There is always joy when she sees the Doctor. Kate couldn't remember when the hugging thing started, but it's nice. Comforting and familiar.
The Doctor smells of sunshine and rain, fire and sea salt. She doesn't know how. Kate just accepts it.
Sometimes, she wonders if he'd still be fond of her if she wasn't Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart daughter. Would simply being Kate be enough?
“Kate! Kate. Ruby, this is Kate. We love Kate. I knew Kate's dad. He was the best of men.”
Next comes curiosity because the Doctor rarely pops in for a chat and a cup of tea.
There is always a reason for his visits and usually it brings danger. Danger for UNIT and the world, maybe the entire universe and beyond.
Although, sometimes she wishes he would visit simply because he could. Because UNIT was worthy or she was. There are so many things she is proud of and would like to show the Doctor.
“Okay. All of you, I need your help. Because something really weird keeps happening. Everywhere I land, a woman appears. Look”
There is always pain. The Doctor carries it around like the heaviest rock. No matter what incarnation Kate meets, no matter what face they have there is always pain in the eyes.
This regeneration was supposed to be different, healed. Kate just sees new pain and old pain that the Doctor had kept hidden before.
Pain that won't stay inside. She wishes she could make it better. The Doctor is a healer who cannot heal even themself.
“You've seen my life. I bring disaster, Kate. Disaster. What if I go back and ruin her?”
When the Doctor is in the room, he becomes the authority. It doesn't matter that she's in charge of UNIT. The Doctor is a legend. Saved them over and over, so many times. In the past, present and future.
How can people not look to him like a God they have to follow? She's guilty of it too. Even if sometimes the way he challenges her authority annoys her.
“Yeah, but it's Carla, Come on.”
“Carla Sunday. Access granted.”
“ Right. Fine. Thanks.”
Sometimes, he challenges her authority and people die. Her people die. All she can feel is anger and despair. Resentment at not being able to keep them safe.
The anger always shows on her face and Kate wishes it didn't. Wishes that she didn't hurt the Doctor with it. But it seems out like a poison she cannot control.
They never talk about it. It isn't the first time, this won't be the last time. Sometimes, she wishes they did talk about it though. Maybe she would feel less ashamed of it.
“This is the Commander-in-Chief to the Executive Deletion Team. We have an officer down. Colonel Winston Lemuel Chidozie, Floor 45. I want Psych Ops informed. I want UNIT forensics. I want full Option 10 and 11 schematics immediately.”
She wishes the Doctor were. Not that there is much he could do. But she would be less afraid. Not about dying. She has grown used to the idea that death could take her at any time.
Kate fears losing more of her people. Failing to keep them and the world safe. It's her greatest weakness. It bleeds out of her like the deepest wound.
If the Doctor was here he'd make the worse choices so she didn't have too.
“Colonel, back away. Stand with me. I'm not losing another officer.”